Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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