There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
