Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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