I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
being pregnant is like rehab
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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