I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
