we're blogging at a bar
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
