I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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