i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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