She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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