walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
