I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
