6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
