I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
