No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
