Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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