A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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