Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
