Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
