the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
