Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
