They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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