I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
