when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
