I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
