I am puke
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
