mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This toilet bowl is my home.
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