I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
