D3 body, D1 cock
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
