if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We got so high we made milksteak
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
