Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she peed on how many people?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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