some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
