Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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