Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
