It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
