his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
