Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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