is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
