oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
