how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
