I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
