I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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