Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
