I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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