Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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