Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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