I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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