Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
