True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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