I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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