I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
