and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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