I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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