I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
