Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
