Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
