Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
