you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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