You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
