i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
