Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
