Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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