I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well you can't waste a boner
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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