So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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