You're earring is so big in my mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
