also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
