brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
