woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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