FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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