On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
