I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
