i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
