Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
